[5:35:23 PM] Nadia: combining shark week and my scary movie binge into one with a movie called shark night

{let me backstory this for you: I was watching this movie and I knew it was going to be so awful from the beginning I decided to narrate it to my friend in real time over skype. i took out all of his responses and our actual conversations, and the end is not even on skype}

[5:36:40 PM] Nadia: oh god i am excited it looks so bad

[5:36:50 PM] Nadia: i bet there will be boobS!

[5:37:30 PM] Nadia: wait

[5:37:31 PM] Nadia: wait

[5:37:31 PM] Nadia: wait

[5:37:33 PM] Nadia: almost

[5:38:02 PM] Nadia: OH THAT WAS SO CLUSE

[5:38:11 PM] Nadia: they were swimming and he took her top off and threw it

[5:38:22 PM] Nadia: but she got it

[5:38:31 PM] Nadia: but there was like

[5:38:39 PM] Nadia: 30 seconds of toplessness

[5:38:41 PM] Nadia: without

[5:38:44 PM] Nadia: boobs

[5:38:47 PM] Nadia: and she just died

[5:39:03 PM] Nadia: can i just narrate this for you

[5:39:19 PM] Nadia: there’s already been four butt close up shots

[5:40:18 PM] Nadia: typical character development

[5:40:19 PM] Nadia: ready

[5:40:38 PM] Nadia: there’s the nerdy guy

[5:40:40 PM] Nadia: the black guy

[5:40:41 PM] Nadia: the slacker

[5:40:43 PM] Nadia: the asian

[5:40:47 PM] Nadia: and another guy

[5:45:32 PM] Nadia: there’s the quiet girl

[5:45:35 PM] Nadia: the slutty girl

[5:45:45 PM] Nadia: the judgemental girl

[5:46:12 PM] Nadia: the athletic girl

[5:46:34 PM] Nadia: also the nerdy guy is attractive witthout glases

[5:48:31 PM] Nadia: you SO do not cut fish like that

[5:48:51 PM] Nadia: fake out by the athletic girl who main boy likes

[5:49:12 PM] Nadia: oh shit might be about to see some v

[5:49:47 PM] Nadia: this is only movie i’ve seen where someone pee

[5:49:49 PM] Nadia: like a girl

[5:53:01 PM] Nadia: omg so many creeps at the store

[5:53:41 PM] Nadia: a fight almost happened because of racial slurs

[5:53:56 PM] Nadia: getting on a boat to get to a house that does not seems like a good idea to mee

[5:54:07 PM] Nadia: someone made the im on a boat joke

[5:54:10 PM] Nadia: tasteful

[5:54:35 PM] Nadia: “wanna drive the boat?” 

“really?”

[5:54:40 PM] Nadia: “yeah it’s insured!”

[5:55:27 PM] Nadia: the nerdy guy is bad with girls

[5:56:04 PM] Nadia: they’re being chased by a water cop

[5:56:09 PM] Nadia: and they’re running

[5:56:14 PM] Nadia: i bet she knows the cop

[5:57:35 PM] Nadia: knew it

[5:58:12 PM] Nadia: he’s the sheriff

[5:58:39 PM] Nadia: i love the slacker guy the most

[5:58:44 PM] Nadia: oh god i love bad movies like this

[5:59:01 PM] Nadia: OH SIDE BOOB

[6:00:04 PM] Nadia: there’s a dog

[6:00:10 PM] Nadia: and if he gets eaten by a shark

[6:00:14 PM] Nadia: IMMA BE SO PISSED

[6:00:20 PM] Nadia: and he’s swimming right now in the water

[6:00:39 PM] Nadia: oh god

[6:00:48 PM] Nadia: suspenseful watery music

[6:01:02 PM] Nadia: FLOATING BEER PONG TABLE

[6:02:28 PM] Nadia: what is called when you dirve a boat and pull someone awesome on a boad behind you

[6:02:32 PM] Nadia: water ski?

[6:02:56 PM] Nadia: well this guy is a PRO

[6:02:59 PM] Nadia: SHARK FUN ALERT

[6:03:02 PM] Nadia: SHARK FIN

[6:03:03 PM] Nadia: SHARk

[6:03:04 PM] Nadia: FUN!

[6:03:06 PM] Nadia: FIN!

[6:03:08 PM] Nadia: !!!!lshjlsfsijlsdf

[6:03:11 PM] Nadia: GET READY

[6:03:33 PM] Nadia: water skier is about to get smacked

[6:04:05 PM] Nadia: BLACK GUY FLIPPED

[6:04:22 PM] Nadia: INTO THe SHARKY WATER

[6:04:49 PM] Nadia: okay okay

[6:05:06 PM] Nadia: he swam ashore

[6:05:10 PM] Nadia: and his arm is missing

[6:05:16 PM] Nadia: damn

[6:05:21 PM] Nadia: he was gonna play pro football

[6:05:23 PM] Nadia: that sucks

[6:06:28 PM] Nadia: also he was gonna propose

[6:06:33 PM] Nadia: to his gf

[6:07:18 PM] Nadia: Doctor nerdy guy just jumped into the water

[6:07:37 PM] Nadia: apparently this water is really CLEAR

[6:07:53 PM] Nadia: hes trying to find something

[6:08:08 PM] Nadia: OH LOL

[6:08:10 PM] Nadia: HIS ARM

[6:08:16 PM] Nadia: SHARK

[6:08:18 PM] Nadia: SHARK

[6:08:19 PM] Nadia: SHARK

[6:08:22 PM] Nadia: HE GOT THE ARM

[6:08:25 PM] Nadia: AND SAW THE SHARK

[6:08:29 PM] Nadia: THIS IS THE BEST MOVIE

[6:08:37 PM] Nadia: SHARK

[6:09:03 PM] Nadia: LOL SO IRREALISTIC

[6:09:34 PM] Nadia: unrealistic

[6:09:35 PM] Nadia: sorry

[6:09:41 PM] Nadia: the shark got me grammar bad

[6:09:49 PM] Nadia: okay so his arm

[6:09:53 PM] Nadia: is dripping blood

[6:09:57 PM] Nadia: and it’s draining down

[6:09:59 PM] Nadia: and LOL

[6:10:05 PM] Nadia: and the shark

[6:10:27 PM] Nadia: was following the boat

[6:10:32 PM] Nadia: and it hit the boat

[6:10:40 PM] Nadia: and the gf fell off the boat

[6:10:57 PM] Nadia: and she was being dragged

[6:11:06 PM] Nadia: by the floaty ring which was thrown to her

[6:11:25 PM] Nadia: they’re about to crash

[6:11:35 PM] Nadia: into a boat gas filler thing

[6:11:43 PM] Nadia: because the shark fucked up the boat

[6:11:44 PM] Nadia: and also

[6:12:13 PM] Nadia: the shark got the girl

[6:12:25 PM] Nadia: the gf

[6:12:30 PM] Nadia: now they dont have a boat

[6:12:37 PM] Nadia: and they are down a girl

[6:12:40 PM] Nadia: and

[6:12:42 PM] Nadia: an arm

[6:12:56 PM] Nadia: the sheriff is irresponsible and missed the flare

[6:13:00 PM] Nadia: this is the best movie ever

[6:13:51 PM] Nadia: they should have made this movie better by also introducing a serial killer

[6:14:44 PM] Nadia: now the two creepy boys

[6:14:56 PM] Nadia: showed up to the house

[6:15:34 PM] Nadia: crazy girl is going with creepy guys

[6:15:42 PM] Nadia: they’re gonna helicopter a doctor or whatever

[6:15:47 PM] Nadia: some stupid plan

[6:15:58 PM] Nadia: oh so is slacker guy

[6:16:04 PM] Nadia: to keep crazy girl safe

[6:16:45 PM] Nadia: one of the crazy guys and the main nice girl have a weird thing

[6:17:09 PM] Nadia: “he’s gonna humpty dumpty your ass back together”

[6:17:29 PM] Nadia: oh black guy doesn’t know his gf died

[6:18:00 PM] Nadia: he was holding the ring and shit

[6:18:05 PM] Nadia: and now he’s crying

[6:18:08 PM] Nadia: emotional moment

[6:18:32 PM] Nadia: old creepy guy has a neck tattoo that says trust no bitch

[6:29:14 PM] Nadia: black guy just went into the water

[6:29:15 PM] Nadia: in the dark

[6:29:17 PM] Nadia: with one arm

[6:29:22 PM] Nadia: to try to find and kill the shark

[6:29:26 PM] Nadia: let me screen shot this for you

[6:30:49 PM] Nadia: also

[6:30:54 PM] Nadia: his entire sleeve is bloody

[6:30:57 PM] Nadia: because that makes sense

[6:32:16 PM] Nadia: creepy guys just stopped the boat

[6:33:05 PM] Nadia: oh it’s a hammerhead

[6:33:15 PM] Nadia: and the black guy is fighting it

[6:33:19 PM] Nadia: with a gardening tool

[6:33:21 PM] Nadia: and oh

[6:33:23 PM] Nadia: i think

[6:33:26 PM] Nadia: they just killed it

[6:33:40 PM] Nadia: but i think i there is more than one

[6:34:26 PM] Nadia: they are making the slacker guy get in the water

[6:34:27 PM] Nadia: oh

[6:34:34 PM] Nadia: and the old creepy guy just revealed

[6:34:42 PM] Nadia: that they brought the shark to the lake

[6:34:50 PM] Nadia: and they just shot slacker guy off the boat

[6:34:55 PM] Nadia: but he’s alive

[6:35:01 PM] Nadia: yep this is a different shark

[6:35:06 PM] Nadia: that is now swimming

[6:35:09 PM] Nadia: towards shot guy

[6:35:27 PM] Nadia: water trees

[6:35:32 PM] Nadia: CLIMB THE WATER TREES

[6:35:36 PM] Nadia: LIKE YOU WERENT JUST SHOT

[6:35:39 PM] Nadia: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

[6:35:46 PM] Nadia: imma replay this for you

[6:35:48 PM] Nadia: the shark

[6:35:52 PM] Nadia: jumped out of the water

[6:35:56 PM] Nadia: and attaceked the guy

[6:38:09 PM] Nadia: oh i wish i could gif this

[6:38:45 PM] Nadia:  they brought the other hammer head shark out onto the sand

[6:39:37 PM] Nadia: OMG THERE WAS A CAMERA IN THE HAMMER HEAD SHARK

[6:41:02 PM] Nadia: creepy guys are making the girl strip

[6:41:10 PM] Nadia: and she tried to stab him

[6:41:16 PM] Nadia: he just licked her

[6:41:32 PM] Nadia: also he  has these sharp vampire teeth

[6:42:22 PM] Nadia: the other guy the attractice one

[6:42:50 PM] Nadia: is taking the black guy

[6:42:53 PM] Nadia: with the jet ski

[6:42:54 PM] Nadia: to shore

[6:42:56 PM] Nadia: or whatever

[6:43:32 PM] Nadia: oh that’s why he was cutting fish like that

[6:44:41 PM] Nadia: carnivorous fish a attacking the almost naked girl which they just pushed into a net of

[6:45:08 PM] Nadia: idek what

[6:45:15 PM] Nadia: and they were watching it with some of water camera

[6:45:34 PM] Nadia: pretty fucked up

[6:47:02 PM] Nadia: black guy saw a shark while on the jet ski and just jumped in

[6:47:39 PM] Nadia: shark now coming after attractive guy

[6:47:44 PM] Nadia: on jet ski

[6:48:11 PM] Nadia: the sheriff is corrupted too

[6:48:33 PM] Nadia: because he gave them chicken soup

[6:48:37 PM] Nadia: but it was poisonous

[6:48:42 PM] Nadia: AND IT KILLED THE FUCKING DOG

[6:48:48 PM] Nadia: and that’s how the girl found out

[6:48:50 PM] Nadia: and on the radio

[6:48:56 PM] Nadia: the guy just said

[6:49:19 PM] Nadia: we made a blood smoothie out of tattoo girl, which was personally disturbing to me. SMOOTHIES SHOULD NOT BE CORRUPTED THAT WAY.

{this is where I stopped narrating for my friend}

 that was the most beautiful shark jumping out of the water and eating the head off the jet ski guy scene ever.

i waS RIGHT there are bad guys AND sharks.

so main guy woke up tied up in basement with a classic hole with shark infested water. 

the girl is now in a cage on a boat with the dog and the two creepy guys.

old guy wants to keep the dog but he won’t let him.

HE JUST PICKED UP THE DOG AND THREW HIM INTO THE VIDEO NET MINI SHARK FISHES.

OH NOW IM MAD.

THAT IS NOT OKAY.

LOL THEY MENTIONED SHARK WEEK! a can of gasolene waS JUST SPILLED.

she tried to make a play for the guy with whom she had one had a thing.  and she took his gun but then he took it back easily cause she’s a weak girl. and now they just LET OUT “THE BIG GIRL.”

sheriff just suspended nice guy in chair into sharkey water hole. 

SHARK JUST WANTS TO BE FRIENDS.

SHERIFF got lit on fire because guy threw his lighter on the spilled can of kerosene. and he jumped in the water because thats what i woud do if i was on fire. but guy CLOSED THE SHARKY WATER HOLE DOOR. and sheriff got eaten by friend shark.

guy just swam through the lake water to the boat with the remaining characters!! 

mean while on the boat nice girl is in the cage being suspended in the water. OH HE JUST THREW BLOODY FISH GUTS ALL OVER HERE.

OH SHIT GUY IS HOLDING OLD CREEPY GUY WITH A GUN SURPRISED WE DIDNT HEAR THAT. 

and creepy guy just killed him and now they engaged in a fist fight. okay somehow for the first time good guy threw creepy guy overboard…………..believable. is saving nice girl

creepy guy is now in the cage and released the cage from the boat. NOW EVERYONE IS IN THE WATER.

SERIOUS THAT HOLE IS BIG ENOUGH FOR HER TO SWIM THROUGH SHE CAN GET OUT.

UNDER WATER KISS OH NO HE GAVE HER AIR LOL THIS IS SO DUMB.

UNDER WATER FIGHT

SHARK ALERT

ALERT!

UNDERWATER FINGER! she just gave him a big FU. and creepy guy just got demolished by shark. now she is in the cage and the shark is trying to get at her.

THE DOG IS ALIVE AND FETCHED THE SPEAR STICK

OH GOD.

LOL WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED.

apparently he just stabbed the shark.

damn it this is gonna have a happy ending aint it.

THE DOG. GRABBED HER HAND AND HELPED GET OUT OF THE WATER. 

THOSE CPR COMPRESSIONS ARENT NEARLY DEEP ENOUGH.

NOW A REAL KISS.

pan out on the lake.

closing second:

AND CREDITS.

….

OMG THERE IS A MUSIC VIDEO OMG.  

i’ll just leave this here for you.